9 months

On June 29th 2009 at 6:05p.m. I had to do the worst thing a mother would have  to do.

 I had to let one of the most wonderful young men leave my life. 

Danny was an amazing young man. He went threw things you could not image. And he always had a positive attitude. 

He came to me the night before we had to let him go. And told me he made this choice on his own he didn't want me to quite my job and take care of him for the rest of his life. He said he would not be the same.

So he made the sacrifice for me. He told me

 "Mom you made a lot of sacrifice for me when I was told I had cancer. So I want to give to you what you gave to me." 

Boy what a gift from a wonderful boy. I miss him so much. A great friend tells me I worry about you that you are not taking the time to greave. I really didn't realize that I haven't grieved for him. I told her yes I have but the more I look at things I really haven't. I had to be the one that had to be strong for everyone else. Help my husband and 2 other boys get through it first. I think that is what a mom does helps other people first. She also told me Danny would not like that I am not taking care of my self.  Well  Jessica it's time for me. I am going to do things for me. If I need to cry or just do not want to be a happy camper then I will. 

So today is one of those days because I had to let my Danny go.

Danny I know this is what you wanted and needed to do. I love you so much. And thank you for coming to visit us all the time. I know you are here to make sure things are alright with us. 

Like yesterday when Dad and I were in the living room and you slammed my bathroom door to say hey I am here.

You will always be my son and I will make sure that no one forgets you. Because you are a amazing young man.

Thank you for coming into my life and giving me 18 wonderful years. I love and miss you so much.

called

Josh called me finely today. I miss that kid so much. He is doing very well he is on track to graduate.  he sounds so grown up i bet he also looks grown up too. I sent a boy to the service and in three weeks i will be given a young man. That makes me kind of want to cry. I can not wait to see josh. allen is making the arrangements right now.
YEAH

10 words or less

So today we received in the mail information on the memorial that primary children hospital has for all the children that had passed away last year.
It will me May 16 at 1:00p.m.
but what is bugging me about this is that they want me to put in 10 words or less on his life. How can you put 18 years in 10 words.
I just do not understand. but i want something to be in the memorial so i will try.
Could you guys be able to write 10 words or less?

THANK YOU

I just can not believe that Danny is gone. It does not seen possible he fought hard and long. He wanted to live. He had lots of plans. He wanted to go school. He wanted to marry his sweet Megan. He wanted to have children and he just wanted life. People say it will be better in time. Well maybe it may be but I just can not believe that at this time. 

MY BOYS ARE MY LIFE THEY ARE MY JOY. 

Josh- I am so proud of you. You have grow in to a fine young man your dad and I are very proud of you and we love you so much. And you will do fine in the Air Force. you have done a great job as SMC.

Danny- You fought a good fight. And dad and I are very proud of you. We will always remember you. You lived DeMolay and all the boys should be excited about DeMolay as you were. Salt Lake Chapter will make you proud.

Aaron- You have grown into a fine young man everyone loves you. You  are the life of the party and your dad and I are so proud of you stay true to yourself and be who you are. Thank you for being Danny's hero. You are a HERO

We love you so much.

Allen- You are my life and I love you so much. You are my best friend and I am so glad I jumped on that bus way back in 1986. Since that day you have made my life fun. Thank you for the 21 years and more to come. I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND A DAY. Thank you for my 3 boys...

Megan- You will always be in our daughter you are stuck with us for life. Dad and I love you so much. thank you for loving Danny so much. He loved you so much he would do anything for you. Love you 

Nicole- Thank you for coming into our family you will always be our daughter and we are very proud of you as well you are doing a great job in the air force and Thank you for going to the middle east to protect all of us here. Dad and I Love you tons.

Stephanie- Thank you for being there for my boys you are a great daughter. I just wish you were a real daughter. But we will take you as our own. You have been there when I have always needed you. Dad and I love you tons.

Michelle- Thank you for having my back when Learning tree didn't. I am glad that i am working with you again. you are a great friend and a great boss. Thank you for letting me have the time I need to have. I Love ya..I am proud to call you my friend. one of these days we will have our own center. We will be the best owners not like you know who...lol 

Jessica- I truly understand what you are going through. I will always be there for you. It is so hard to sit there at the hospital and see your child go through all he is going through. I would sit in Danny's hospital room and try to find ways to take what he has and give it to myself so he is not in pain and sick with all those meds he had to take.  Thank you for having my back also you have been there for everything and I am proud to call you my friend. I love you and if you need anything please call. 

Saying GoodBye My Big Brother

This poem was written from Aaron. It is so beautiful it will make you cry

The time has come to say Goodbye I will try not to cry

It's been so hard to let you go

To be in heaven don't you know

But you did not go alone

Part of us went with you

The day God took you home

you will forever be in our hearts

Your memory will keep us from falling apart

you should hear the kind words people say

How you touched their lives in so many ways

I am so proud and blessed to get to say

That's my brother in every way

thank you brother for all you gave

For everything you showed us along the way

Now I want to say to you

5 months

Tomorrow will be 5 month since Danny passed away. I think this is the worst time of the year. Danny love Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was a big part of our lives. I love and miss him so much. I can not  understand why he had to go so young.
Josh will be leaving on Feb 23rd for boot camp. He is so excited to start his life. I am excited and scared at the same time. I really do not want him to leave. but i understand he needs to do this.
Aaron cut his hair. and colored it black. I miss his long hair. But it was time for it to go. He has a girlfriend that is a wonderful girl. And he is doing good in school  he is a SR in high school.
They are great boys and I am proud to say I am their mom.

Thanksgiving With Out Our Danny

Today has been a hard day for me. I really have to say this whole week has been hard. I have not done much. go to work do my job come home and just crash. I didn't think it would be so hard for me. But it is hard on me. I just wish I had someone other then my hubby to talk to about what i am thinking.
I found out last week that josh is leaving for the air force in feb 23rd so i think that is helping me feel the way i am feeling.