I want to give it all

So I am home cleaning for thanksgiving and wondering why I should be doing all this stuff Danny and Josh won't be here. So ya feeling bad for myself and crying! Then  all of a sudden this song came on and I swear it is Danny talking to me. The song is from Air Supply "I want to give it all" I want to share it with you!
DANNY I LOVE AND MISS YOU TONS!






Here I am again


I've come to see you smile

I know you understand

I have to say again

It's only for a while



And still you're always here

Just waiting for my call

I wish I knew a way

To give more than I do

I want to give it all



It doesn't happen every day

But it happened to me once before

Those early years I threw away

Now I only have to hear your voice

To make me feel so sure

That your love is why

I want to give it all



Don't the minutes fly

And hours just seem so few

With days apart so long

It's hard to spend my time

When I'm so far from you



And still you're always here

Just waiting for my call

I wish I knew a way

To give more than I do

I want to give it all



It doesn't happen every day

But it happened to me once before

Those early years I threw away

Now I only have to hear your voice

To make me feel so sure

That your love is why

I want to give it all

Try My Shoes For A Day!

Okay I am so mad right now. How dare they tell me to get over it already. Today a person told me I should just get over my son Danny Dying. How dare you tell me that. He's my son and I love and Miss him so much. I should of told that person off but that is not me one bit. Yes he has been gone for 11/2 years it's hard to lose someone you have loved all your life. I didn't even cry when this person asked me about him... I really like talking about how strong and brave he was during all the stuff he was going through.

So next time,  Person that know everything don't ask me about my son if you don't want to hear anything about him. Try Losing a Son and come back and let me know how hard it is to let him go! But until then be nice and keep your mouth shut!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Thanks everyone for listing to me!!!!

Festival Of Trees

I am so excited I have finished the last of the tree... So on November 29th I will be able to go and put it up. I hope that everyone will like it. And hope it will sell. It was made with pure love and joy for My Danny.
Danny I hope you are so happy of what I did this year. It's for you my sweet boy. Love you ton and miss you even more.
The tree I am talking about is for the fesival of tree for primarys medical hospital every year they have what the call Festival of Tree the money that people buy the tree go to help the children at priamrys. This is my senond year.. I am so excited YEAH

Does it get better?

The last cople of days everytime I am alone I just cry... I hate being alone... I just want to know does it get better in time? I just don't feel it's going to... I love & Miss my Danny so much... I just want the hurt to stop...

Danny

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. 
So he put his arms around you and whispered
 "Come with me." 
With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you passed away.
 Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay. 
A golden heart stopped beating, a hard working hands at rest. 
God broke my heart to prove to me, he only takes the BEST! 
I Love You Danny


Love Mom

Joshua's Home Coming

June 29th Josh came home on leave, We were so excited for him to come. Allen, Aaron, Megan, Ellie, Jake, Mirada, Mike and My self all went to the airport to give him a good home coming. People were looking at us trying to figure out who we were waiting for. Then the moment we saw him we all clapped and yelled welcome home Josh. all of a sudden we heard more clapping and yelling. They were all standing with us to welcome home Josh. It was just so amazing that others would join us. I ran up to Josh and gave him the biggest hug and yes I cried. On our way out people would stop Josh and tell him welcome home and thank you.

Always Remember

It's been 1 year since I last saw my wonderful Danny. I thought I would be able to handle this day but I guess I was way wrong. We went up to the hospital to give cookies balloons and letters. My first stop was RTU I saw the Nurse there and just broke done. We gave hugs and then laughed about things Danny did when he had to go to RTU.
Next stop was Oncology Clinic boy that was hard to say the least. We had again cry's and laughs. I can't believe that they all remembered Danny passed away today. It made me feel really good that is memory will always be there.
Next was the Oncology Doctors we set down with the Best Doctor in the world Dr Yeaish I love this man with all my heart. He has always been there for us and he loved Danny. He told me that Allen and I are the best parents he has ever met. He said I am not just saying this because you are here. I mean it with all my heart. Again here comes the tears.
Next to ICS to find Irish he was Danny's nurse. I walk in and behind me was Aaron with a super soaker gun. Aaron got Irish with the gun. It was funny I bet Danny was standing there laughing his butt off. Danny was wanting to do this when he got better so instead aaron did it for him. I also gave the dr the letter. Not sure if he read it or not but I didn't stay around to see. All in all it was a great time.

Tonight at 6:10p.m. a bunch of us are getting together to honor Danny. At 6:10p.m. we are going to let balloons go to honor Danny.
I hope to have pictures once I have them i will put them up.


Danny,
Mommy misses you so much. when you left a hole in my heart got so big. You and I got close the last 3 years of your life. and I am thankful for that. Not many mom's can say that. I am the luckiest mom in the world. Thank you for letting me know your still around turning on light shutting doors and calling my name. I Love you and I will Always Remember You.
Love ya,
Mommy

1 year

I can't believe it in 6 days it will be 1 year since our Danny went up to heave. It just seems like yesterday. I miss him so much. Danny you are a wonderful young man, I will always remember you. You will be in my heart always. I Love you so much. Thank you for 18 sweet years.

FOR A PARENT ON THE DEATH OF THEIR CHILD

NO ONE KNOWS THE WONDER
YOUR CHILD AWOKE IN YOU,
YOUR HEART A PERFECT CRADLE
TO HOLD ITS PRESENCE.
INSIDE AND OUTSIDE BECOME ONE
AS NEW WAVES OF LOVE
KEPT SURPRISING YOUR SOUL.

NOW YOU SIT BEREFT
INSIDE A NIGHTMARE,
YOUR EYES NUMBED
BY THE SIGHT OF A GRAVE
NO PARENT SHOULD EVER SEE.

YOU WILL WEAR THIS ABSENCE
LIKE A SECRET LOCKET,
ALWAYS WONDERING WHY
SUCH A WONDERFUL YOUNG MAN
WAS TAKEN HOME SO SOON.

LET THE SILENT TEARS FLOW
AND WHEN YOUR EYES CLEAR
PERHAPS YOU WILL GLIMPSE
HOW YOUR ETERNAL CHILD
HAS BECOME THE UNSEEN ANGLE
WHO PARENTS YOUR HEART
AND PERSUADES THE MOON
TO SEND NEW GIFTS ASHORE.

Joshua's Air Force Graduation

Joshua's graduation was so much fun. I think the air force it going to be good for him. He really enjoys it. I really didn't know what I was going to see when I saw him. I sent a boy (even though he was 21) and when I saw him for the first time after 8 weeks from being gone, I saw a man. I can't believe the change in him. I just grab him and cried. I can't believe that he is going out into the world and I can't be there to protect him anymore. It will be good for him. Right now he is at Shepherds Air Force Base in Texas, For Tech School. He will graduate on July 27th. Then he will be coming home for 2 weeks and on to his duty station. Not sure yet where he is going to be station. But I will let you know soon.

Josh Dad and I are so proud that you joined the Air Force. We Love you a who lot. Aaron may follow you in a year or so. Danny is very proud of you too.

Joshua, Danny, Aaron

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and I knew that I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will. This is the miracle of life. Put this on your status if you have children you love more than life!

2 days

I am so excited I get to fly out in 2 days to see josh. I miss that kid so much. I am also so proud of him. I thought i just needed to get this out before i go crazy... Thanks for letting me...

Daniel Craig Record

So after I wrote what I wanted printed on the memorial page. I have changed my mind. After all we women are allowed to do that once and a while. So he is the what will be written on the memorial program and video to my Sweet Danny.




                Daniel Craig Record
Loving, Caring, Powerful, Amazing, Aspiring, Respectful, Loyal, Funny, Unforgettable Young Man.

two weeks

So I have two weeks until i go to Texas to see Josh. I can not wait. I am looking forward to all the fun stuff they have plan for the family. Josh is doing really good. This week he is going through The Beast. the Beast is a training in the field on what they have learned.. (Is that right Julie?) I am just so darn proud of Josh....

My Letter to the Dr

(I have been working on this letter to the Dr. that made me upset. I wrote this so I can forget about this Dr. forever. This letter will be going to the Dr. on June 29th the day of Danny's 1 year anniversary. So if you have any comments about this let me know. Thank you for the time you take to read this letter.) I left his name out...
Thanks Ginger




Dear Dr.

I have been thinking a lot since Danny passed away.
I really do not understand
the way you could treat me and my family the day Danny passed away.
That Monday morning June 29th I was so angry with you.
The way you treat Allen and me was so not the way you should of handled things.
When I asked you if the machines were keeping him alive you told me it's supporting him.
But when I asked you again and told you this is not what Danny wanted you looked at
me and walked away. Do you know how that made me feel the you could not tell me the truth.
Allen and I trusted you and you let us down. You made me feel like all Danny was a ginny pig to see
if that medicine would help you out not Danny.

How can you live with yourself knowing that a family
feels this way. It make me think did we make the right chosie to do this.
And another thing that has been bugging me is that Hilary called me in Danny room that Saturday
before Danny passed away and told me that I should not listen to the ICU doctors and nurses they are very negative.. There is always hope. That's not good to tell a parent that the doctors and nurses down there was negative. You guys made us feel we shouldn't listen to anyone in ICU.
I think that both teams should of work together and told the truth all the time.
In fact you guys made me feel not to listen to them when they were telling
us the truth all the time and not saying there is always hope.
You handle things way to wrong I really wished I would of taken Danny to another doctor
that gave us the facts and not hope.
I did have hope that things would have been different. But I lost HOPE on the way you guys treated us the way you did.

I have to let you know that my son Aaron feels he killed his brother because you guys
didn't once talk to him about what was happening to his brother. He told me mom maybe if I
didn't give him my Bone Marrow he would still be here.
Do you know how that make us feel that he feels he hurt his brother.
When the fact he was Danny hero.
So tell me how to tell my son that he didn't kill his brother.






You ask why am I writing you, Well I think if I let you know how I am feeling maybe I can heal
a little better. And remember Danny for being a Hero and what he stands for.
He is and will always be a wonderful young man full of spirt and fight. I love this Danny with
all my heart. He will never be forgotten.
For the last 3 years he went through this cancer with
fight.

I hope that one day my hurt for losing my wonderful Danny will ease a little but I know it will always be there because he will not be around
for all the important things that our family will go through.
But I want you to know that me hating you for the way you treated us will go away.
I want you to know that you can not treat family like you two did.
We trusted you guys with our Danny and you let us down.

Today has been 1 years since we last saw our Danny.
And we have missed him so much.
He has not been here for a lot of important things in our family this last year.




Josh has join the Air Force and he missed him graduate.
Aaron has graduated from High School and is going to miss Aaron be
State Master Councilor in DeMolay.
Also his dad is going to be Grand Master of Masons in Utah.
And as for me I have a hole in my family that I am trying to heal.
It's going to take a long time or maybe forever to fix it.
But with me knowing that you know now how I am feeling will make me feel a little better.

I just hope that one day when you have to go through this agin with another family you will remember to be honest and listen to the family .
Because the families are going through a lot to know that they are losing their child.
In the end of Danny's life we felt you were not there for us.
So I hope now you understand where Allen and I are thinking
and I hope that one day CANCER will go away and not hurt any other families again.

Thank you for your time
Ginger Record

Always Remember

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10 words or less

 "Danny is an Unbelievable Strong Young Man We All Love."

So that is my 10 words or less.

So what do you think?

Written By a Wonderful Girl we love you Elli

Ellis Mallory Marsh

4030 South Morning Star Drive

Salt Lake City, Utah 84124

(801) 588-9593

Olympus High School

“What Drives You?”

In life, there are many things that “drive me” to succeed. I’ve always been one to throw a fit about something but, in the end, get through it. I’m in a Masonic girls’ organization called Job’s Daughters, where I volunteer a lot of time. A few years ago, I met a boy, in the young men’s organization, named Danny Record. I had heard of him many times, he was quite the famous one. When I met him, I heard that he was diagnosed with Leukemia at the age of 16. We talked casually for a few months and after that our friendship grew. After about two months, Danny’s doctors were able to get his body on a certain treatment that involved giving him Chemotherapy every three in a half years. After time, Danny’s hip was beginning to break because of a disease called A.V.N. (A vascular Necrosis), which is a disease that causes the bones to begin to weaken because of the cut off blood-flow. The doctors sought out options for Danny and a hip replacement was one of them. The surgery was a very painful decision for Danny, but in the end it was successful. 

In December of 2008, I was elected into the highest office a girl can reach in Job’s Daughters. My Installation came around and I invited him and hoping that he would be able to make it. Because of the surgery, he told me that he would most definitely do his best to be there, with his promising “you can count on me” statement. January rolled around and I hadn’t heard any word from him saying that he could make it. I thought that it would be best for him that I would just let it be without being too pushy. The day of my Installation, I was in the front looking out into the crowd and I see Danny limping up the stairs with his cane (which he also called the Miranda Beating Stick). 

I had a hard time being in charge of everything right as my term started. Every time something negative happened, I would talk to Danny about it. He served as a very powerful leader in the young men’s organization and knew a lot about how some people can be towards you and your ideas. He always had the right thing to say when I was upset and never let me down. As I said earlier, there were times that I just wanted to quit everything and get back on with my life. With Danny there, that was never possible. He always made sure that I would keep going on, doing the very best I could with whatever I was doing school wise, Jobie wise, or anything else that I would be having a difficult time in. 

After fifty days of being in the hospital from February to April, the Chemotherapy wasn’t working as the doctors had planned. The doctors had two possibilities; to stick to the same treatment that wasn’t working or a bone marrow transplant. The chances of Danny’s survival without the transplant were slim. With that, they tested his two brothers (Josh, 21 and Aaron, 17) and in that 30% chance of a sibling being a match, Aaron fit perfectly. A few weeks later I was in Provo with the girls from my organization and I got some news saying that the transplant wasn’t working as the doctors had insisted. He had developed a liver disease called V.O.D. (Veno-Occlusive Disease) which clogs the blood-flow through the liver. Knowing Danny, I could finish my night down in Provo as I had planned. On June 29^th, I got another call informing me that Danny had been put on 100% life support because his breathing started to slow down which left his family with a very hard decision. The decision was made. The down side was, everyone had two hours to get to the hospital to say our goodbyes. 

Danny always had the best sense of humor about everything in life and wouldn’t let anyone by him get away without a smile on face. He was a very important person in my life and I had always promised him that I would never give up on the things I wanted in life. With this, I will not give up and I will continue to reach for the stars no matter what obstacles are thrown at me.

9 months

On June 29th 2009 at 6:05p.m. I had to do the worst thing a mother would have  to do.

 I had to let one of the most wonderful young men leave my life. 

Danny was an amazing young man. He went threw things you could not image. And he always had a positive attitude. 

He came to me the night before we had to let him go. And told me he made this choice on his own he didn't want me to quite my job and take care of him for the rest of his life. He said he would not be the same.

So he made the sacrifice for me. He told me

 "Mom you made a lot of sacrifice for me when I was told I had cancer. So I want to give to you what you gave to me." 

Boy what a gift from a wonderful boy. I miss him so much. A great friend tells me I worry about you that you are not taking the time to greave. I really didn't realize that I haven't grieved for him. I told her yes I have but the more I look at things I really haven't. I had to be the one that had to be strong for everyone else. Help my husband and 2 other boys get through it first. I think that is what a mom does helps other people first. She also told me Danny would not like that I am not taking care of my self.  Well  Jessica it's time for me. I am going to do things for me. If I need to cry or just do not want to be a happy camper then I will. 

So today is one of those days because I had to let my Danny go.

Danny I know this is what you wanted and needed to do. I love you so much. And thank you for coming to visit us all the time. I know you are here to make sure things are alright with us. 

Like yesterday when Dad and I were in the living room and you slammed my bathroom door to say hey I am here.

You will always be my son and I will make sure that no one forgets you. Because you are a amazing young man.

Thank you for coming into my life and giving me 18 wonderful years. I love and miss you so much.

called

Josh called me finely today. I miss that kid so much. He is doing very well he is on track to graduate.  he sounds so grown up i bet he also looks grown up too. I sent a boy to the service and in three weeks i will be given a young man. That makes me kind of want to cry. I can not wait to see josh. allen is making the arrangements right now.
YEAH

10 words or less

So today we received in the mail information on the memorial that primary children hospital has for all the children that had passed away last year.
It will me May 16 at 1:00p.m.
but what is bugging me about this is that they want me to put in 10 words or less on his life. How can you put 18 years in 10 words.
I just do not understand. but i want something to be in the memorial so i will try.
Could you guys be able to write 10 words or less?

THANK YOU

I just can not believe that Danny is gone. It does not seen possible he fought hard and long. He wanted to live. He had lots of plans. He wanted to go school. He wanted to marry his sweet Megan. He wanted to have children and he just wanted life. People say it will be better in time. Well maybe it may be but I just can not believe that at this time. 

MY BOYS ARE MY LIFE THEY ARE MY JOY. 

Josh- I am so proud of you. You have grow in to a fine young man your dad and I are very proud of you and we love you so much. And you will do fine in the Air Force. you have done a great job as SMC.

Danny- You fought a good fight. And dad and I are very proud of you. We will always remember you. You lived DeMolay and all the boys should be excited about DeMolay as you were. Salt Lake Chapter will make you proud.

Aaron- You have grown into a fine young man everyone loves you. You  are the life of the party and your dad and I are so proud of you stay true to yourself and be who you are. Thank you for being Danny's hero. You are a HERO

We love you so much.

Allen- You are my life and I love you so much. You are my best friend and I am so glad I jumped on that bus way back in 1986. Since that day you have made my life fun. Thank you for the 21 years and more to come. I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND A DAY. Thank you for my 3 boys...

Megan- You will always be in our daughter you are stuck with us for life. Dad and I love you so much. thank you for loving Danny so much. He loved you so much he would do anything for you. Love you 

Nicole- Thank you for coming into our family you will always be our daughter and we are very proud of you as well you are doing a great job in the air force and Thank you for going to the middle east to protect all of us here. Dad and I Love you tons.

Stephanie- Thank you for being there for my boys you are a great daughter. I just wish you were a real daughter. But we will take you as our own. You have been there when I have always needed you. Dad and I love you tons.

Michelle- Thank you for having my back when Learning tree didn't. I am glad that i am working with you again. you are a great friend and a great boss. Thank you for letting me have the time I need to have. I Love ya..I am proud to call you my friend. one of these days we will have our own center. We will be the best owners not like you know who...lol 

Jessica- I truly understand what you are going through. I will always be there for you. It is so hard to sit there at the hospital and see your child go through all he is going through. I would sit in Danny's hospital room and try to find ways to take what he has and give it to myself so he is not in pain and sick with all those meds he had to take.  Thank you for having my back also you have been there for everything and I am proud to call you my friend. I love you and if you need anything please call. 

Saying GoodBye My Big Brother

This poem was written from Aaron. It is so beautiful it will make you cry

The time has come to say Goodbye I will try not to cry

It's been so hard to let you go

To be in heaven don't you know

But you did not go alone

Part of us went with you

The day God took you home

you will forever be in our hearts

Your memory will keep us from falling apart

you should hear the kind words people say

How you touched their lives in so many ways

I am so proud and blessed to get to say

That's my brother in every way

thank you brother for all you gave

For everything you showed us along the way

Now I want to say to you